Ask The Master

There was a time when the Master would answer questions sent to
him by email, back in the early 90s. Here are some of the letters
sent to him at that time, and his wise and witty answers. He may do this
again, if I have the time for it. Who knows, if I’m lucky, he will
find someone else to do it

Master Baba Ecnarongi is an enightened spirit who has lived thousands of lives on our precious planet Earth, and many others besides. He can answer all your questions about life, love, and happiness. I have been channeling this Being for people who need answers to spiritual and living problems. As I get questions and answers, they will be added to this column. Some say he is a little twisted, but his answer is that he is simply matching his vibrations to this world, so he can be perceived by someone such as me, or something like that. Read on, and benefit from his deep wisdom.

Dear Enlightened Master: I am deeply in love with a man who is more attached to his work than me. He comes home very late every day and rarely even gives me the time of day. It wasn't like this before we were married. What can I do?---J.S. In Seattle

My inner eye looks at the Akashic Records and I see that this man actually has two jobs. He is working off the huge debts he ran up when he was courting you. He doesn't want you to know that he didn't really have all the money you thought he did, and all those gifts and expensive dinners ran all his credit cards to the limit and beyond. He really loves you, but you got all you can out of this deadbeat, and I think it is time to dump him and move on to greener pastures. Accuse him of seeing another woman and sue for divorce. You might get a pretty good settlement because of all the income he gets from those two jobs. May the Light and the Love be with you always.

Dear Enlightened Master: How can I reach true Buddhahood in this lifetime?--O.K. Kansas

I see that you are really an atheist at heart which means you already have. True Buddhahood means you never have to reincarnate in this dense and heavy plane of existence again, and that is exactly your situation. Since there is no God, and no soul, how can there be reincaration? It's simple. Trust me on this spiritual stuff, OK? I really know what I'm doing. May the Light and the Love be with you until August 24, 1999. After that, it won't matter.

Dear Enlightened Master (or whatever you are): I am thinking about giving up all this new age stuff and going back to good old fashioned Christianity. Since you know so much about this religious stuff, I challenge you to tell me why I shouldn't do it.--G.E. Portland Oregon

Much information is coming to me about your past lives. There is a common thread that goes through all of them. You are a rebel. In this life you were born as a white male in a hospital run by the Catholic church. You immediately got a chip on your shoulder about Catholicism, and every time you see a nun in a habit, you want to do something really rude and socially unacceptable. You should move to a place like Alaska or Texas, and get as far away from other people as possible, especially me. Better yet, join up with Pat Robertson. You deserve each other. May the Light and the Love be with you, because no one else will.

Dear Enlightened Master: I am beginning to learn about crystals, channeling and all kinds of exciting things. It's making me see life in a whole new way! I love everything and everyone, and I am going to make a lot of money because I am learning about prosperity. Life is just wonderful. Thank you and all the spirit guides for making all this possible. Everything used to be so negative, and now it's all positive.--Joyful in Georgia

I have been following your life for a long time, since I sensed the desperation and despair in your spirit so long ago. It was I who steered you in the direction you are now going in. Isn't it better? Since I am not presently a physical, living person, please send any gratuities to my channel. He and I will joyfully accept all contributions. May the Light and the Love be with you, in moderation.

Dear Enlightened Master: My spirit guides tell me that you are none other than the great Master Nogaard, who lived up in the cold North about 5,000 years ago. It was he who gave us all those wonderful stories about Thor, Frost Giants, and the rest. Although he has been forgotten his legacy lives on during the most dismal five days of every week. A fitting tribute to one who made the sacrifice of living and teaching where it's never green, and never warm enough to go naked. I was one of his followers in a past life, and it is such a wonderful thing to know that I can once again benefit from your inspiring and infinite wisdom. Thank you, Great Master, thank you. --K.C. in Alaska

Ah yes! I remember now. That was a hard life. I really did get tired of wearing all those heavy animal skins and what not all the time! As you know, we didn't have central heat or cars in those days. I must have been out of my out of my mind to do that! A whole life with no sex! I didn't get over that one for a long time. Why do you think I invented Tantrism? Anyway, you were a good and loyal servant, and you learned a great deal. I will not require such service from you again. This time tithing will be more than sufficient. I will send you some of my teachings from time to time in the mail, and you just send me ten percent of your now substantial income, by way of my channel. May the Light and the Love be with you, as always.

Dear Enlightened Master: I've been having some really huge problems lately at my job. For some reason, my co-workers are constantly picking on me, and doing everything they can to make my life miserable. My wife has been getting paranoid and saying it's a vast conspiracy. I'm just a simple country lawyer, and I wish I could just go back there get away from these city folks. They make me cry so hard it makes my voice hoarse. Is there anything I can do?--Elvis in Washington DC

I feel your pain, Elvis. Unfortunately, you brought this on yourself. You knew that place was a pool of sharks when you applied for the job. Can't help you on this one. Sorry, chum. Ya get it? Sharks, chum! Hee hee! They're the sharks, and you're the chum! Haaaa ha ha!! Isn't that funny?? What's really funny is they do things every day that are much bigger than what you did, and they're getting away with it! Haaaaa ha ha ha! Isn't that hilarious? Life just ain't fair, is it?. They're throwing big stones at your glass house, and all you can throw back is a Little Rock! Haw haw haw!! Sometimes I kill myself! Ho ho! Ha ha ha Snort! hee hee! Maybe you should just kill yourself and get it over with. Yuk yuk! May the Love and the Light be with you, it's the only Hope you've got left. Haaaaw haw haw!!

Dear Enlightened Master: My fortune teller says I was Cleopatra in a past life. This may explain my deep interest in things Egyptian in my present life. I have an affinity for the Pyramids, and I am saving up all my money to go there. I want to see if it will bring back any memories of that time, and put me in touch with who I really am. --Doris in Arkansas

Don't bother. Your fortune teller says that to all women who enter her parlor. The truth is she believes that she herself was Cleopatra. Let me tell you a secret. Cleopatra was nowhere near as beautiful as history says she was. She did, however have a great deal of political clout, and that is why she is remembered that way. Anyone who said otherwise was summarily...ugh! Let it suffice to say very few people would say she was anything less than the sex godess of Egypt. Some day I will tell you the real story about Antonio. There was a tradition in Egypt that any man who was not busy working on the pyramids was considered to have enough time to be Cleopatra's lover. This is why the pyramids are so huge and there are so many of them. The reason I know this is because I was Cleopatra, and I had a slight weight problem, among other things. Since I have just saved you a ton of money, could you contribute a few extra pounds to a worthy cause? I (and my channel) are saving money for a trip to the Bahamas to explore a past life of his there. May the Love and the Light be with you.

Dear Enlightened Master: Why does God allow suffering? Just Wondering in Pennsylvania

Ouch! I hate that question! As you must know by now, I love to be the wise guy and play the fool in everything I say. Even my name contains a hidden joke. But I have been asked that question before and never have come up with a good riposte. All I can offer is one little idea that you may never have thought of before, and under some circumstances, you might even think it's funny. Some people say God is testing us. Maybe most of us are reasonably advanced souls who can take some pain in order to help others, and only a few of us are really being tested. They are put in positions of great power to see how much pain and suffering others must endure at their hands, before their compassion will overcome their selfishness and they do something about it. If so, I wish this experiment would end soon because some people are being forced to suffer more pain than even Jesus did, and they are not up to it. Think about it.

Dear Enlightened Master: I was abducted by aliens when I was a teenager, and they put this thing in my head which makes me think crazy thoughts. I think they are watching me all the time, and everyone thinks I am crazy. I'm afraid they're going to come back for me. What should I do? M.H. in England

You're right. Those are crazy thoughts. Unfortunately, people like you get abducted all the time. Those aliens are carrying that "frequent flier" thing just a little bit too far. No matter. What you should do is act as koo-koo as possible, and those pesky aliens will think you're so crazy even they will stay away from you. You've already blown it with everyone else, so you might as well. If that doesn't work, send me $100 and I'll have my channel make up some of "Master E's Super Alien Repellent", Guaranteed to work every time. For only $150, I'll also include some of "Master E's Super Alien Implant Dissolver". My channel put a little bit of it in his armpit (the repellant, not the dissolver) and says he hasn't seen an alien since then. Of course he never saw one before then, but you can't be too careful. Save yourself a trip to the funny farm and buy my potions. It's a lot cheaper than all that psychological mumbo jumbo. May the Light and the Love be with you, wherever you go.

Dear Enlightened Master: OK, here is something I just gotta know! This has been bugging me ever since I first heard about it. What really happened at Roswell?- G.B. in California

Funny you should ask. I was there when it happened. There is a certain extraterrestrial race called the Zeta Reticulans. Among that race is a certain culture that most people call the "grays". These guys are kind of like the bureaucrats and executives of the Earth. They are just as gray inside as they are outside. They have no imagination, no creativity, and they never laugh. Which is very funny, because they make everyone else laugh.. Everything they do, they manage to screw up in some hilarious way. Even when they do something well, they screw up, because it's usually something they shouldn't have done. One example is they succeeded brilliantly with a genetic engineering experiment wherein they removed all feeling and emotion from their own gene pool. The result is they are now their own striaght man. Imagine the Three Stooges in space, but stiff and deadpan, like Ernie Kovak's musical monkeys. Their whole society is riddled with incompetence and foolishness, and no one cares enough to do anything about it. They are rather brilliant at piling mistake upon mistake until the whole thing turns into a very complicated and hilarious mess. The way they blew up their home planet is one of the greatest gags in the whole universe. All of their spacecraft are built like the Mir space station, and they do everything in a mad rush because they have to meet schedules written by high ranking members of their race, who have never been "in the field". It was they who piled in at Roswell, and all subsequent UFO crashes were attempts by the United States government to duplicate their technology. The problem was they did it too well, copying everything exactly. The government is thinking about removing the cloak of secrecy from the crash at Roswell because they have realized that the grays make them look brilliant by comparison. I won't reveal my own role in the story because it is a little bit embarassing. Let it suffice to say that I never tell my channel how to do maintenance on his car. May the Love and the Light be with you, and keep looking up.

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